Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
