Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
