I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
