Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize