Got a toothbrush?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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