I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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