You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize