my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I smell like Dick and happiness
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
