When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
