Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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