I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
