she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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