i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
