Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
