so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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