I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
