So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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