so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Found the puke drawer
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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