Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
