I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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