I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
