The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
