there was a trapeze. enough said
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
