he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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