His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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