At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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