You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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