@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize