and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize