Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
