So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
