I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
