Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
