you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
