This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize