my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
