Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
