Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
