I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
