oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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