I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
