my phone needs a breathalizer
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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