i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Life is so much better after having sex.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
be right there i have to get my cape
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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