god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize