she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
