I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
