one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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