90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
