OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize