Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How does one acquire holy water?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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