And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
