she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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