why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
