So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
