Please, let me fuck your mom
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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