He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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