i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
