Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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