Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
