He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
