two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
