pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize