OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
