Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
