So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
