Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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