why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
