dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
