you mean i was at the winter classic?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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