If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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