My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The best revenge is premature balding
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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