just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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