hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize