You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
