And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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